Blah

I think he isn't even gonna realize what he's doing until it's far too late to save what we had...slowly, bit by bit, he's pushing me away...does he see that? Does he even see whan I am hurting inside? I am not gonna say a word...I can't always be the one trying to salvage this...I love him more than anything, but, deep down I know he wasn't ready for this relationship...that he is trying to make it work trying to make himself love me, but I havn't been so sure since I got home from the hospital,maybe it's my insecurities being in over drive because of everything that I've gone through within the last month, but, honestly, I don't think so, it's some of it, but he's definately been slowly shutting me out of his life...spending less and less time at home, it's seeming like I am more of an afterthought than anything else. And I know, I know he is missing his ex, he tried to look her up while I wasn't around...for what? I dunno, I just know that my heart hurts just thinking about it, about him walking away, and I see it coming...probably sooner than later. But there is really nothing I can do, because who am I to try to hold him down with me if I don't make him happy and this is not where he wants to be and I'm not the one he wants to be with?I dunno...it's just too much right now for me to cope with, so instead of going there with him and pushing the issue, I hope I am wrong and just overly bleh from this Cancer shit and that we make it through this all okay, because I love him and I don;t want to lose him...I really never have felt this way about anyone else. Anyway, I just needed to get that out so maybe I can sleep now...
Gwen