Maybe "venting" is not quite what I mean,it's more a case of needing to put thoughts into concrete words so maybe perhaps I will not dissolve into an emotional mess again this weekend.
There is so damn much going on at the moment that threatens to just upend my life at any moment it seems. First is the financial strain of now being a one income family all of the sudden when we just moved into a bigger house with higher rent and added utilities that we didn't have at the apartment. Add in the medical bills coming in with no health care and it's like being smothered and just trying to get by with a few breaths here and there. Feeding a family of 5, paying living expenses (rent,utilities) and trying to stay on top of my truck payment and car nsurance and keeping up with gas,maintenance was alot on it's own. Now I have the dreaded C word hanging over my head again, a nasty very UGLY new scar top of my navel to my pubic bone,bruises over the place from iv's and shots that has brought me back into my body image issues all anew. I have pain from the surgery. And I feel myself becoming very insecure all over again, afraid of losing the best relationship I have EVER had for whatever reason pops up in my mind.
Then back before we started dating, Danny was with the wrong people,wrong place, wrong time, and got into some trouble which was MINOR, however he was chosen as the poster boy for the incident and now he has to serve 10 days in jail,luckily they cut him some slack due to my situation and it's on weekends, this will be the second one. Plus court costs and fines and the other two people are getting shit and they had prior records for the same offense and one was on probation as well, Danny who had no record at ALL has all this bullshit. It's like someone is trying to just break us down I dunno. It's hard. Anyway, that's part of it, I'll continue with the rest later my baby is home.
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